Validity
by Rapunzel4
Summary: Omi's past has left him with a feeling of inadequacy. Fortunately, he still has at least one person to remind him of his worth. Hints of YoujiOmi


Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz and its characters were created by other brilliant minds and I have no claim on them.

Warnings: Angst, Omi's POV, shounen ai hints

Author's Notes: I seriously need to tell the muse of angsty first person POV one-shots to piss off and go bother someone else for a change. That or my beta needs to start keeping her muse in a stronger cage.

Validity

By Rapunzel

Youji tells me that I'm working too hard again. I know it bothers him sometimes when I do that. He worries about me stressing myself out too much, which can be a valid concern. I've managed to exhaust myself almost to the point of a nervous breakdown once or twice before, and I guess he hasn't forgotten that. Really, though, he shouldn't worry about that too much. I mean, it was only once or twice.

Aya-kun tells Youji not to make such a big deal about it, that I know how to handle myself; if I want to take on schoolwork and working in the shop as well as preparing, researching, and carrying out our nightly activities, that's my decision. He also adds snidely that perhaps the reason Youji thinks my workload is too much is because it's so much more than his, implying that Youji is lazy.

That's not entirely fair- Youji's not lazy. Well, okay, so he has his moments, but it isn't fair to call him lazy just because he doesn't accomplish as much in a day as I do. All that means is that he isn't driven.

I am driven, and I know it. I know it, and yet I can't bring myself to be other than as I am. I'm compensating, you see. For what, I'm not exactly sure, but there must be something. Something about me that isn't good enough and never has been. What else could have prompted my own father to abandon me when I needed him the most?

Even back before I could remember what happened to me, I always had that feeling. That there was something wrong with me, that I was somehow not worth as much as other people. That feeling terrified me, so I fought against it by trying to make myself worth something. I worked as hard as I could in training and with every assignment I was given. I made myself as likable as possible. I tried my hardest to make everyone happy, thinking that if they were happy, they wouldn't have any reason to get rid of me.

In some ways, I suppose remembering the kidnapping helped me. It made me aware of why I feel the way I do. That doesn't mean I've stopped trying to take on such a large workload- I've been doing that for far too many years to be able to easily stop now- but when things get crazy it helps sometimes to remind myself that I don't have to be perfect for my friends to like and stand by me. I tell myself that my father was an evil man; just look what he did to Aya-kun's family. I tell myself that if he had no compassion to offer even to his own son, it's not my fault and I don't have to try to spend my whole life trying to make up for it. And it helps. It doesn't completely get rid of the feeling, but it helps me to rationalize it.

Youji helps too. He helps by telling me that I need to slow down and take a break before I work myself to death. He helps by taking on some of my workload when no one else is looking (he claims that being caught working willingly would ruin his image). Even just being around him helps, because when I'm with him, I don't feel quite so inadequate. He makes me feel special, like I don't need to make up for anything.

Like now, when he catches me looking at him across the shop and gives me a wink and a smile. I return the smile wearily. I stayed up late last night working on a report for school that I'd had to put off earlier because of a mission. On top of that, Aya-kun assigned me to fill out order forms today, which has got to be one of the most boring tasks in existence. The result is that I'm practically falling asleep where I'm sitting.

Youji sees this and crosses the shop to come sit on the table beside me. "You look like you're working too hard again, bishounen," he tells me for third time today, giving me a scolding frown.

I answer the frown with another tired smile. "It's fine, Youji-kun. Actually, I'm hardly getting anything done." I grimace at the order forms.

"Then that's a sure sign that you need a break," he says decisively, and even though I don't quite follow his logic, I have to admit that the idea sounds tempting.

Still, I can't help but protest, "Youji-kun, I'm supposed to work this shift to make up for the one I missed yesterday because of my project."

"So?" he returns, shrugging carelessly. "It's not like there's anything much happening at the moment."

That much is true. It's the middle of the afternoon, when the girls are all in school and the heat and work keep most other people indoors and away from our shop. We haven't had a customer for at least an hour, and I don't anticipate having one for a while longer. Still, I'm about to protest again, before Youji cuts me off.

"Hey, Kenken," he calls across the shop. "Don't you think we could manage if Omi takes a break?"

Ken-kun, who is fiddling with some baby's breath in a bouquet and looking bored out of his mind, turns and gives Youji a blank look at first. "Huh?" Then he replays Youji's words in his head, and says, "Oh, yeah. Sure."

Aya-kun frowns at Youji, and I think that Youji deliberately asked Ken-kun first because he knew that Aya-kun wouldn't approve. However, to my surprise, Aya-kun gives me a quick once over and backs Youji up. "Go take a break. Just come back before the afternoon rush."

In other words, he wants me there later to help deal with the schoolgirls.

Youji turns back to me with a triumphant smile on his face. "See? Now go rest for a while. And no using the time off to work either. I'll check on you later, and if I catch you on the computer you had better be playing Tetris or something."

I flush guiltily. He knows me too well. I actually had been thinking of working on the mission report for Manx before he said that. Still, a computer game sounds nice right now. Yes, even I have my guilty pleasures.

Still, I feel bad leaving them behind when I'm supposed to be working. "Are you sure?" I ask as I get to my feet, preparing to depart.

Youji nods decisively. "Go on. We can manage without you."

For a moment, his words cut me to the quick. It sounds as if he's saying that they don't need me, at least to my ears, and that frightens me. If they don't need me, then they have no need to bother keeping me around. I recover myself quickly- of course he didn't mean it like that- but some of my sudden uncertainty must have shown on my face, for Youji frowns at me. Then he reaches out and slings an arm around my waist, drawing me in close to him. I blush furiously and shoot a glance at the others, but Aya-kun is tallying up something or other and Ken-kun is still idly playing with the flowers in the bouquet, so neither one of them notices us.

Youji leans in, pressing our foreheads together and holding my gaze seriously. "You don't have to be perfect all the time," he says softly, so the others won't hear. "We like you just the way you are."

I blush a little harder, surprised at how easily he seems to be able to read my thoughts. Still, his words warm me, and I smile faintly to myself as I head toward the back of the shop, ready to take the break Youji has procured for me.

Somehow, when Youji says things like that, I'm actually able to believe that they might be true.

Owari

Author's Notes: You know, the first part of this reminds me a lot of "Cute," one of my other fics. I guess they both share a similar theme.

Also, before anyone points out the whole Youji vs. Youji-kun thing, let me just say that I did that deliberately. You may note that when Omi actually speaks, he still calls him Youji-kun. Dropping the honorific is something he does in his mind. I'll leave the readers to interpret that however they please.


End file.
